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It’s all up to You

The challenge bug was back and this October though more hectic than needed, I took it up that if I saw something nice about someone I would say it. It seemed so very easy, just drop compliments everywhere you go. Yes? No! Not so easy if you mean exactly what you say.

We all are acquainted with so many types of compliments, some just meant to make an awkward situation worse; some just to flatter and get things done. Some are a conversation starter. I knew exactly though, how a genuine compliment felt, when someone said it and they meant what they said. It’s a sort of validation and appreciation and you can tell by the way it feels. Acting like the yeast in the fermentation process. Catalysts exist for a reason, don’t they? So I thought of spreading this ‘feel good’ (inspired by some genuine compliments), because why not let people know if you think they’re fly.

In the movie “Hancock”, Will Smith the lead role says “Good Job” to the cops who are not even half as good as him. Shocked, but because he meant it, their faces light up. Remember the famous ‘Jaadoo ki Jhapi’ In Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. where Sanjay Dutt hugs the hospital staff? Frustrated sweeping the floor over and over, a small appreciation of his work makes the old man’s day.

A nanny of one of my nephews told me that when you tell babies or kids ‘they’re good’ and ‘they’re such kind people, or generous’, which ever adjective you put there, they’d want to live up to it. Encouragement goes such a long way than reprimanding children. My grand dad told me once I’d be a great person some day, I want to live that everyday of my life.

images.jpegIt’s a small thing really, to just say something, but my difficulty was in meaning it and getting to the other person without looking like “WOAH! What did she eat this morning?”. So trust me I didn’t give away much. Not as much as I expected at least. I learnt something in the process though, there is so much beauty out there, so many things to be fascinated by, so many people to be inspired by. We just miss out so much of it by burying ourselves in heaps of criticism.

You could enter the bakery and leave without even noticing the smell of freshly baked focaccia, because the whiff of someone’s intestines made their way towards you; you were busy eaves dropping on the couple fighting next to you (take home gossip); or you saw your ex and ran out; or you were engrossed on your phone. So many distractions out there; overcoming each one, even if you got to breathe in the heavenly bakes, you’d be too callous or take it to be too obvious, for granted. If we overcome that too and reach a grateful point in our lives, we wouldn’t want to look stupid or be judged as a fawn.

Yes, I dissected the whole thing. I have personally hated getting a compliment all my life and backed off judging the other person as flattering me. I even opine that flattery and flatulence have a lot in common. Of which I can discuss with you at length on another day. For now, lets get some fresh air on this subject. Compliments are healthy and ‘Thank you’ to every single one I’ve received.

Of course there is the other end to it where celebrities get addicted to the fame, paparazzi, fan following and praises. If used like a drug, compliments can be dangerous. You cannot fuel your motivation by just compliments from others. ‘Anything in excess can be harmful’ the age old saying drilled into my head . Not to fear just getting the balance is the key.

Addict   ←  Self evaluate and go ahead Feel Good  → Shut it out don’t compliment me

Giving compliments to different people and watching their reactions, only left me with one idea. People who knew where they stand and were secure enough about their valuation, took it gracefully, felt good, thanked you and didn’t need to store it for later. Embracing the goodness is up to you. Looking out for beauty and fascination is also up to you. Appreciating someone’s efforts, nature, people who show up for you, being grateful, it’s all up to you. Making someone’s day is up to you. So are you making this world a better place the next month? Because it’s all up to you.

 

“Beauty is not a question of shapes and forms. It is a question of what you exude.” Sadhguru, Isha Foundation.

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Standing in my Mother’s Shoes

Like most Indian (paranoid) moms I have a beautiful lady for a mother and she loves her children, beyond anything I can explain. I was a fussy little brat when young—she still thinks I’ve not grown up an inch. I look at her toil everyday, every second, in her own way to make sure everything is smooth in our lives. I don’t see her complain about it; she is doing it selflessly. Sometimes I try to understand this attitude of endless giving. I can’t even comprehend it, secretly don’t want to. Mostly, because I cannot fathom being that selfless.

Selfless or even grateful for that matter. Whenever my demands are met, I wouldn’t express my gratitude as much. On the contrary, sometimes when I’m upset, I make a huge scene, blow it out of proportion and make sure the point is made. I wonder what gets into me. Without airbrushing any of my mistakes, I stand here being a total “dementor” (Refer: Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling). I can’t even imagine being in her place.

Most of us are very ambitious and goal driven. I feel every one wants to achieve something in life. Go somewhere, do something great, leave a mark and get noticed. What about mothers? (Long pause to think)

I love children and I wave at every kid I see, shamelessly ignoring their parents getting annoyed. I would love having my own kids some day. Oh! No! The idea of having a kid like myself, really shakes the ground in my imagination. What sort of a mother would I be? Would I thrash the living ghost out of the kid or spoil them with everything? What’s right? Who is going to tell me? The thought of putting myself in her shoes really got me blown away. Would I sacrifice my evening soap siesta to teach my children Hindi? Would I let my kids butt into every conversation I would have with my husband? I have no idea what in the world they are going to throw at me? A whole new ball game.

We always think moms should be this way, she should do this and not that. My mom doesn’t socialize much; I pester her to call her friends home. I put so much pressure on her. The over-smart side of me could write her a manual on “How to be my mom”. For a human to have tiny humans act smart is difficult for the ego to take. I know this because I have a tiny human for a brother who has shot up and doesn’t act tiny anymore. Now if the tiny human has come out of your own body and is acting smart I would want to show them their place. What stops my mom from showing me mine?

On connecting the dots, I think that’s love. Her love for me is in my cells and my thoughts, my feeling, my words and even my bones. She doesn’t want to stop me, or doesn’t ever put me down. She knows I’m tough on her but she is so open to it. She is where I get my willingness, motivation to learn and be high on life. She has always been there for me even in my nastiest rebuttals. Sure it’s normal to argue with moms for a daughter. I still care, I care for her more than anybody in this world and sometimes the thought of not having her around someday to lie on her lap, brings tears to my eyes.

Mothers, they are your living walking, talking pillar of support and strength. I hope I’m better than a rainbow kooshball for mine. I know I haven’t been the best kid anyone would want, but my mom is irreplaceable to me. As I’m writing this I’m realizing the importance of feeling grateful for the people in your life, from every single cell. No one can be anything alone, you have a whole back up team helping you stand up from falls, dressing up your wounds and bringing the roof on your head for rainy days. So grateful for my people, especially my Mata! I LOVE YOU <3

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Disclaimer: This article doesn’t imply that I’m planning to have kids now. I am still an overgrown kid trying to get perspective. I’m that kid who studies in the summer holidays even before the year starts.