psychology Archives

I keep scrolling through Instagram all day! (Honest confession to start with). The funny part is that, it looks like Instagram is scrolling through my life all day too. Is it ‘What you’re seek is seeking you’— sort of relationship!? Or have I let Instagram take control over my life? How do I know where my power is?

I hit upon this Information which said “If you’re not a powerlifter, Don’t train like one. Just because “power” is in the title doesn’t mean it develops power where YOU need it. Power is not a universal quality.” (This was under a body functionality building account) Dr. Andreo Spina!

Some bodies are short and petite an excellent requirement for Ballet or Gymnastic. Some are built and tend to gain muscles easily- great for weightlifting. Every human has different strengths and weaknesses. We don’t play on this because, we are firstly not taught how to be aware of it. Do you know what your strengths and weaknesses are? (Samosa is my weakness, but I’m talking about the characteristic weaknesses). That’s what controls most of our behavioral patterns.

Stop here! ….mentally jot down only two of your strengths and weaknesses. If you play comfortable and make your weaknesses sound like strengths, then there’s no point. Being emotional in every situation can be a weakness, if it is coming in the way of making realistic goals. But if you put it like— “I’m in touch with my emotional sense” You play comfortable and make your weakness look good. So now if you see your list and your strengths are still coming in the way of a practical decision, then you’re not doing it right.

Let me suggest here- I’d swear by this article to figure out your strengths and weaknesses. Absolute best thing I’ve come across in a long time. https://articles.bplans.com/how-to-identify-your-strengths-and-weaknesses/

So once you’ve done some digging and discovered about yourself- It now makes sense to assess your power. Power is your ability to direct or influence others or a course of event. Most of us are control freaks in some aspects of our lives or the other- Why? Because Powerpuff girls/ Power Rangers! Power craving mentality was drilled into us from a young age. The acknowledgement received or pride in becoming captains or leaders in school, the limelight of being noticed in college, or the ‘making it big in life’, they call it “living the good life”. Everyone wants to be on top!

So you have to choose, playing by your strengths and weaknesses what power is accessible to you. If your strength is extrovert personality and your weakness is convincing people- Then if you choose to be a leader, you’re just going to sound like a rock band to Classical opera listeners.

How do you then play your cards, without losing your power? A) You could work on your weaknesses and then harness the power from one source- say EFG. B) Meanwhile, harness power elsewhere from source JKL, where your weaknesses don’t come in the way. This way, you never run out of power and you’re always feeling upbeat.

Harnessing Power from source JKL may look very lucrative but it’s not a great idea if you’re not equipped for its voltage. Let me tell you that most of the celebrities were pretty average all their lives before they made it big. Drop outs in school or a nobody at some point in time. They were busy working on their skill sets that would set them apart. Toiling and crashing and rebuilding like a phoenix. I have no better example than Mr. Akshay Kumar for this. Read about his life story to understand how he gave flops back to back and learnt from his failures to be one of the richest celebrities in India.

It’s great to be Power hungry or striving to be the best, and if you’re doing it right, you could even change your fate from a Chai-waala. Start by noticing your conversations that’s where we first lose our power. The whole concept of “I” and “me” is egoistic and coming from that space you’ve already given away your power. Since a person in power has an ability to influence; only if you are a person of “WE” over “I”, will others be open to the influence. I would trust someone’s intentions and allow them to influence me, if I know they want mutual benefit.

I personally always attacked a situation with a Self-defensive attitude and protecting my interests. Most of my conversations in a conflict did not consider a win-win situation. This has left me stuck and powerless, because the other person becomes defensive too and we both want to grab our seats rather than meet mid–way. When I talk to my younger brother I tend to have this approach because of my ego not letting me see beyond my elder status and the gender bias is my instrument of defence. A win-win would be me being able to see the bigger picture where he gets his way (because I don’t use it to get my way) and I get my way because he now trusts me for protecting his interests.

Power is not achieved by feeding your ego, power is achieved by starving it. So Unlock your Power. Work on your weaknesses even in conversations (like mine was ego), to feel empowered by first empowering others. Power feeds power, just like I said “What you’re seeking, is seeking you!”

Power is Power within — Unlock your Power —it’s within.

I thought I heard this girl scream a name as she flung the ball at the bowling pins. On my recent bowling game, I was very intently watching a few teenage girls play on the neighbouring lane; reminding me of my teenage years. They were dancing after every shot and were cheering for the others noisily even if it meant a humble score of five. I had just hit two gutters in a frame and would try anything to get back in the game, so I followed suit. I scooped the ball up and said someone’s name, who I believed in, under my breath. Gutter again! So the second attempt I picked it up and said my name “C’mon Sneha!”. It knocked off eight pins.

Its hard to be confident sometimes, forget about believing in yourself. Some people fear getting over-confident and under-play it. Some have an unhealthy image about themselves. Some fear not being accepted if they be themselves. A few over-think it and miss the bus. Why do we develop these notions and things that make us want to second guess our own abilities? Retrospection is good, but can it lead to over thinking? When do you know is the right time to jump into the rabbit hole and are you ever going to be ready? Alice wasn’t ready, but she was curious.

Curiosity is like this tiny spark which pushes us into trying new things out and gives us the courage to go beyond our doubts. Without curiosity firing the minds of Thomas Edison, The Wright Brothers and Einstein, do you think they would overcome any of their insecurities and doubts? No. Curiosity is the key to getting out of the web of low self-esteem. Curiosity leads us to making an attempt and even when we fail, the curiosity sits like a spike on your chair; not letting you sit till you have an answer. It leads to inventions, revelation of ideas, and might lead to huge shifts in market. On a personal level it changes you to believe in yourself. Once you learn from your mistakes by feeding your curiosity, you get the knowledge of how not to do things. This knowledge feeds the curiosity— “How else then?”

Believing in yourself doesn’t come naturally if you’ve not explored all your qualms and made some mistakes. Getting a few bad cakes, the first few times you bake, will make you a good chef; Getting a whole lot of bad batches, before you hit it off, will make you excellent. For baking the bad ones, you only have to go out there and attempt it. Fall and learn.

Have you read about the man who gave up trying to go to the moon or who gave up trying a new recipe? There are no ballads about people who stopped trying. Even if you don’t want a song about you, you do want to live a meaningful life. So how do we end up unhappy sometimes with our situations? — we stop being curious. We have a split and we just roll the bowling ball down the lane hoping it hits at least one pin. We don’t ask “how do I get both?” Somewhere in our minds we shut ourselves from experiencing the answers, confrontations or any discomfort and don’t let our curiosity be expressed.

Other times you have enough knowledge to back up your faith and you go ahead with feigning it. Affirmations is the ability to program your mind into believing. This is because the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real or fantasy. You can make-believe yourself into thinking you’ve got this. That’s how people who lift three times their body weight, do it. Envisioning things mentally prepares you to have it; then when you work for it, it doesn’t seem like work. Of course back it up with knowledge, I don’t suggest you envision wings and try foolish things.

What’s even more foolish is to think we know it all; that’s a place you don’t want to be in. Curiosity doesn’t live there and you might be proudly getting average scores and dying of insecurity inside. Get down, keep engaging in the same thing over and over till you’ve learnt. Then our scores will do the talking.

We are programmed to see life through a certain filter. Through the influence of social media, news and politics, we like to see life through those pretty lenses. Sometimes our curiosity can become very clouded with questions that bring us in loop to the same answers. May be we keep asking the same question. If you keep testing a blue litmus with an acidic solution it will keep turning red. We have to use other tests. De-clutter, speak to people, get some air, travel, workout the creative side of your mind and see if you’re asking better questions.

Confidence is then just an over coat that people see, and you don’t even realize. You only have the knowledge of having been there, done that; and that becomes a part of you that no one can take away: self belief. Knowledge is the only handle we need to pull and curiosity is the key. Even after all this you will have moments you won’t believe in yourself, because there is always scope for more learning, there is no end. Learning is the only curve we need to care about in our lives. So jump right in, scream your name out loud and throw the ball, watch it roll.

Tag: psychology

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