Once I took my nephew for an injection- baby vaccination. I was supposed to hold him down while the jab went in. Done in a second and when I lifted him up, his yells seemed to be shaking the floor. We immediately took out the phone and showed him a video to distract him from the emotion of pain. 

How many of you are doing that to yourself? Every time there is an uncomfortable emotion what do you do? Reach out for that smarts phone and start scrolling through, text someone, call, jump into work, sleep it off, Netflix it or just shop! Whatever you’re doing it is a coping technique.

I used to be the one escaping from uncomfortable emotions. Experiencing low emotions was too much. It would take up space from my work life, it would keep my goals on pause and derail me from my routine. Looking back the things I did to escape the emotion were also keeping me derailed. 

All this escaping is a form of pushing aside but it doesn’t go away if you’re not looking. Evading an emotion is only delaying the processing and you’re only suppressing it for now. Emotional suppression can lead to psychosomatic diseases. It’s more stressful when you bottle up your emotions than when you’ve let them out.

Learning from my mistake I tried to let myself feel and express myself. I let my emotions spill out, go all over, and not hold back. It went to another extreme— I would replay the incident over and over in my head, feel it repeatedly-emotional indulgence, I would vent and play the victim- emotional dumping and pouring my heart out to strangers- over-sharing. 

Then people who see you also form a perception. Once I was told ‘You’re too emotional but that’s you.’ I introspected though it was their personal bias. My understanding of emotions was more evolved. Emotions are like people. You can acknowledge their existence, gauge their characteristics and where they come from (which trigger) and what they want. Emotions just need the acknowledgement. Okay! Allow it but softly. Let them come into your space, observe what they feel like but let the force of the emotion be light. Remember you give the emotion power, so you can also take it away.

In boxing, you cannot go unscathed, you will get punched and sometimes really hard. Escaping is not an option. Triggers will come from outside but the expression of the emotion starts within your control. Most of us don’t have that control yet because we were never taught. The trigger and reaction are too fast because we lack awareness. Awareness helps to prolong the gap between trigger and reaction. 

The reaction time is everything for a boxer, the slower you are the more hits you get. You need to see the punches coming and react before they hit you. If you are throwing the punch then you need to be quicker than the opponent’s reaction time. To be able to see between this time-space requires another level of alertness and awareness. 

When I get hit a few times my focus goes like a needle of a broken speedometer. My mind switches to panic mode. My coach shouts in the background- “Get in, punch back”.

In life when external triggers come punching us down, we could take the hit but stay calm. Let it exist, you choose to focus on your choice of reaction instead of focusing on the trigger. Inside rather than outside. Even if you’ve taken a punch- focus on your counterpunches and how you will react.

There is no quick fix to get this. Learning anything is tough initially. Meditation is a way to become alert and aware. In real-time, the speed remains the same your mind gets faster at seeing the trigger and your speed of choosing the reaction is faster. This comes when we are focusing on one thing at a time. In meditation, we eliminate everything and focus on one thing. While our phones have primed us to dilute our focus on 10 things at a time, aka distraction.

I can still hear the loud booming voice of the paediatrician in my head, from when we distracted my nephew with a video to escape injection pain. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” -It’s a good mental reminder to not distract myself.

A Great Article for Emotional Regulation Tips : https://www.self.com/story/emotional-regulation-skills

History of everything including Diwali is all over Google. I’m one who passed the subject of history with grace marks (10th mock exams). That’s the truth bomb now you can stop reading. Without going into the mythology of Diwali.

Let’s get personal- ‘What is Diwali to you?’ 

Yes, I’m asking you, You! The reader! I asked my friend this, over-planning something. We came up with different answers. New clothes, lights, family, friends, sweets, diyas, festivals, colours, new year, pooja, prosperity, money.. and fireworks. Yes, I’m a vegan, I’m a passive environmentalist and I care more about nature over most humans. (An intense topic of discussion for another day). 

Honestly, Firecrackers were on my list because the word Diwali still reminds me of it. Going by facts, India and Diwali are not even the first on the list for the most crackers burst in the world. China is the biggest manufacturer, and The Walt Disney Company is the largest consumer of fireworks in the world. (Oh, Disney stop selling fantasy already!!)

Do I still burst crackers?— No! It’s been a few years and it’s been surreal to see the transformation in many families who gave up firecrackers. Upon reading a beautiful article (sighted below) I had a change of heart for our government.  In spite of the government ban, some will still be smuggling crackers into their homes. Then in crisis, we’ll blame the government for not doing better, to curb pollution. You do your bit na?!- It all adds up, every home counts, and every firework that lights up counts. 

I am speaking from a future, where things will be hard for children and grandchildren. I’m requesting you review the Diwali you’re trying to recreate now. How many ‘Patake-wali-Diwalis’ do we need, to make us more aware of the need of the hour? Does the air around you need any more smoke? The impact of air pollution is like smoking 5-7 cigarettes a day. Do your child’s lungs need those cigarettes? 

Many young people are dying of heart strokes. Doctors do link it directly to pollution if not our lifestyle. Even then —The annual turnover of the Indian Firecracker industry stands at ₹3,000 crores.

Sure, naysayers will come at me saying, “Oh hello! Even lighting candles and Diya causes pollution.” The ones who want to take a bigger dig at me will go into jargon. “Hey, what about your Carbon Footprint from all the other things every day?” Exactly! Carbon footprint! That shouldn’t even be jargon anymore. If you don’t know what is Carbon Footprint I allow you to pause. Look into the mirror for a few seconds and say “I forgive myself for living under a rock.”

Coming back…

Collective living is the easiest way to reduce your carbon footprint. Watching movies in theatres over your laptop; travelling by bus/metro over your personal transport; a million people celebrating Diwali together instead of celebrating Diwali individually as single families: is the best way to reduce your Carbon footprint. If you still have the urge and must by any way light a sparkler (because Goddess Shagun, biggest eye-roll) then make sure a million lungs are spectating just one sparkler.

Hoping that that 1 in a million will definitely plant a tree to counter that pollution. 

Happy Diwali and I hope we and our families will define festivities in a new way,
Light up our minds with brighter insights,
Clean out our shelves of beliefs that are obsolete,
Help grow the real green currency- a.k.a. trees,
Meet everyone with more tolerance and compassion and
Choose to fuel our bodies with all things joyful, healthy, and love!

Bring Home a Good Lifestyle
MyCoWe
Sneha Bhuwalka (@mycoffeeweather)

I’m sitting on the floor mat made of twigs and thread; and as I’m writing this, my gluteus muscles are screaming in discomfort. Every half an hour or an hour, I look to my left and talk to the plants, in the little indoor garden I’ve created in my room. I never saw my room from this angle ever before, because there used to be a low cabinet in this space. It didn’t take much effort to be honest. I just had to sit with the furniture and decide if I needed a few things it kept; if I was still using the things or just hoarding them. I can only say that the scanning was totally worth the effort because now my room feels so much more like me. More oxygen. More space. More learning.

Altering my physical space, I usually find a lot of clarity. Here are a few tricks that I learnt; in all this, rearranging and cleaning of drawers—

1. Have limited things and keep it spacious. If you have lesser things you’ll be able to find everything inside. Ask yourself “Do I need this?” —(Start being more aware of the b.s. thoughts that are cramming your mind-space. Ask yourself “Why do I have this thought and how is it helping?”)
2. Rearrange the physical things; more organized; compartments and slots for everything. —(Time slots for thoughts—Not more than 5 min over a silly argument).
3. Keep the most used stuff in the most accessible spot—(Same as giving priority to your main thoughts) 

Last week I spoke about how we learn narratives and form beliefs of what every relationship entitles you to. To change these narratives what does one have to do?— (find on Real Talk Monday on my Instagram page @mycoffeeweather).

Today’s Topic is—‘UNLEARNING’.

For the longest of time we have been taught ‘how to’, ‘what to’, ‘when to’, and ‘From whom to’ learn, and everything is focused on learning. What about UNLEARNING? The story of the Zen master asking his student to empty his cup to learn more, —was he supposed to figure out on his own, how to unlearn?

All the information available to us is using up mind space. Every experience, conversation and observation creates thoughts and they are getting saved in our minds. In one part of our country it’s learnt, not to burp loudly and in other parts burping is a sign of a hearty meal. In one part of the world greeting ‘Good morning’ to everyone you meet, is normal; while in some its considered creepy. Different cultures, locations and societies teach differently and that makes it all the more important to unlearn.

Other than time for cleaning, the lockdown got me used to working out at home. For warm up, I usually run up and down the staircase. Today, I randomly stepped down backwards from the terrace down, instead of the regular way. Basically, imagine a rewind video of someone going up the stairs. It’s fine if you step down at a slow pace; but it took some effort, concentration and balance to do it at a normal pace. I just figured something as simple as a staircase can be challenging if we use it differently. If we changed the way we see it, different from how we know it. Everything we have learnt can be unlearned, if we just do it differently.

(Okay Wait… let me sprawl on the bed and continue writing this article… since my gluteus have given up now).

The new view is gone; the greenery is near my feet now and my shoulders are back at getting strained. It’s so easy to go back to your old comforts right? Even if we realize and know our pattern of thinking; even after knowing that it is not good for us— we cannot help but go back. This is exactly the point where you’ll be separated from people who change versus the ones who don’t.

 (Okay! ….Slithering out of bed, back to the floor.)

It won’t be uncomfortable forever when you unlearn something, so get back in the game!

That’s all there is to unlearning. It’s keeping whatever you know aside and willingly moving towards discomfort. Writing something on a new blackboard with chalk is easy, but when we have to erase it with the duster it takes some effort. That feeling of a clean slate to start over again is priceless though. Keeping that in mind, watch what thoughts your chalking; and if you think burping is uncouth; try burping loudly once!

The last post was a Story “The Chest full of Nothings“